"To cut a long story short, I bought a gravestone. I gave the Church a hundred pounds for it, so it was now my gravestone. I used to mow the churchyard and one day I heard, chink, chink, chink, and bugger me, there was a monumental mason engraving a gravestone for some poor soul. So, I went up to him and said, “Excuse me,” and he went, “Christ! Doctor Who!” He was a big fan of mine. So I said, “Do you want to earn 30 quid?” and he said, “Not ‘arf!” So I said, look I bought a stone off these guys here, so would you put my name on it? So I gave him 30 quid, went off and when I came back he’d put in TOM BAKER in really big letters and “1933 -” He didn’t fill in the second date, I’d have died if he’d have done that! So there it was.
Anyway, one day when I was mowing the lawn, months and months later, looking over the wall I saw somebody standing by my gravestone. I thought, if he’s having a pee on my gravestone, I’ll kill him. When I looked again, he wasn’t standing by it, he was kneeling by it. So I continued mowing and on my next trip back, he was standing there again. So I said, “Hello!” And he said, “I’ve just been putting flowers on your grave.” I thought, this is odd, why doesn’t he see that I’ve got a Honda mower and am extremely corporeal? He said, “It’s so sad… I’ve put forget-me-nots down there. Did you like forget-me-nots?” I thought, “Did I?” But I said, “Yes I did,” and he said, “It’s so sad…” and he started to back way. Not walk away, back away. It was quite a long way down the hill and he was still waving at me, and I thought, “Why is he waving at the dead?” But I thought now he knows where I live, he might bother me, but he never did come back."
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